I recently had a migraine that landed me in the hospital. It was the first time I'd ever truly gone to the hospital alone. I put on a brave face, took my hospital bear with me, advocated for myself and told the doctors and nurses exactly what I needed; but I was petrified.
My bear is on the right. The dog on the left is one of the bears I made for the kids in the pediatric ward of the New York hospital I had stayed in during my college years. I loved playing Santa and bringing stuffed animals to all the kids.
When I was growing up, I always had my mom or my grandfather at the hospital with me. When I got to college, Carol became my hospital buddy. For a short time, she was joined by a boyfriend of mine, but SHE was the one I relied on.
After calling my mom to let her know I was going to the hospital, it dawned on me that I wouldn't have either of them. Luckily a friend from my community was able to drive me to the ER, but for the first time in my life, I walked in alone.
I do have to say that everyone was very nice and that once I explained about the Aspergers, they knew how to act regarding my treatment. There were some miscommunications; like when I asked the nurse if she could get an IV nurse (I have bad veins) and her response was that everyone knows how to do IVs... I think I offended her, but after she got me on the first stick, I told her she was my new best friend.
As weird as it sounds, getting through an entire hospital visit alone was a huge accomplishment for me. Of course, at one point, whether it was wishful thinking or the pain medication, I did think Carol was in the room with me, but the bottom line is, I made it alone.
But the thing is... sometimes I don't want to be alone.
Before I even moved here, my mom was concerned about me. How was I going to get along in a place where I knew no one when I have such a difficult time with socializing? For the first time in my life, I had an answer to that question. During my brief 48 hour visit to the city I would eventually move to here in Texas, I met a girl (a co-worker) who I felt in my heart was going to become a good friend.
I'd never had such easy conversations before. I realized after the fact that the tour of the city, apartment search, and lunch were all a part of my interview, but somehow she made it seem so that 'stress-free. Any other time I would have been completely tongue tied, awkward, and shy (all while my brain was racing a mile a minute) but with this girl, I felt an openness. I knew I had found a friend.
And she was a great friend. At work, she was my mentor. She had the desk next to mine, introduced me to everyone, showed me around, taught me so much, and proved to be a friend outside of work as well. I quickly learned that we liked the same restaurants, had the same taste in movies, and that she had a heart of gold, something that's truly hard to find.
When I lost my job, I was of course upset that my dream had been put on hold... but I was worried that losing my job would also mean losing my friend. I shouldn't have worried; for she gave me true friendship and no one had the power to ruin that.
A few months later I found myself working by her side again. I was ecstatic! After several months of not really fitting in with my co-workers; here came my best friend (in Texas) ready to change everything. I went to work on her first day with a huge smile on my face. At the time we were in different departments, which my mom thought was good, because we would have been talking all the time and not working at all if we were together... which at the time was probably very true. Even still, something as little as catching her eye across the room made me smile. Her friendship means the world to me.
As time went on, we began working in the same department and once again we made a great team. When she got promoted, I was thrilled for her. I told my mom I was lucky; after all, how many people get to work for their best friend?
And I was lucky. She took me under her wing again. She let me know when I was miscommunicating or when I said something that she or someone else didn't like. She let me know when I had an expression on my face that wasn't welcoming and happy and always asked if I was okay, rather than just telling me to suck it up and put a smile on my face. She taught me how to be a leader, how to be a coach, and how to have a symbiotic relationship with my coworkers.
...And now I have to say goodbye...
I'm absolutely thrilled for her. She is going back into working in the speech language pathology field. I know in my heart that's where she belongs. She's an amazing therapist and I'm so happy that she has the opportunity for a second chance at her dream.
So why am I crying? As a good friend, I am supportive and happy and can't wait to hear how amazing her new job is... but it's hard for me to say goodbye.
She knows that when she first told me she might be moving, I called my mom and asked her if I could come home. I said that I had stayed in Texas because I had a friend and if my friend was leaving, I should too. That's not happening.
I'm not saying any of this to make her sad. In fact, in a big way, she's still helping me grow. She showed me that I can make friends and now, with her moving away, I need to show her that her friendship and guidance has shown me how to make new friends. She will still be a huge part of my life. I am counting down the days to her wedding and am trying to figure out different ways for us to keep in touch... but what I'm discovering as I'm writing this is that her leaving is a challenge being extended to me: "show me what our friendship has done for you".
I won't say goodbye... I'll say:
"Challenge Accepted"
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