Tales of a Hard-Working Aspie

Tales of a Hard-Working Aspie

Having A Panic Attack at Work!

Tonight was a tough night for me. I've worked at the same restaurant for over a year now, but tonight my co-workers saw a side of me that I never wanted them to see. 

We had a tornado and I was terrified. The doors were opening and slamming shut, the power kept flickering on and off, and people kept reporting a brown sky and funnel clouds. I began to have a panic attack and told one of the cooks before I got out of control. I assumed that he would go get help but he apparently thought I was joking. Within 10 minutes, I was shaking and hyperventilating. One of the other cooks also has Aspergers and he noticed something was wrong and immediately got help. 

My manager had me sit in the dining room and one of my friends happened to be waiting tables that night so she sat with me. I kept pointing to my phone. I couldn't get enough control to talk yet, but I knew that if I could get my parents on the phone and tell them what happened, they would know what to say to help me calm down. I wasn't going to medicate myself; I was at work and still needed to drive home. 

I got my parents on the phone and they did calm me down but the after-effect got to me. One of the cooks thought it was funny that I had been so worried... I was embarrassed that so many people had seen me out of control... I guess it's still bothering me.

I've always been able to keep my cool at work. I guess it's because I detach from my feelings. As I'll explain more in depth at another time, I have "different personas" that come out at different times. Again, these ARE NOT multiple personalities! It's tough to explain but this was the first time that my "work persona" dropped and people saw the real me. The only other time that happened, I immediately locked myself in the bathroom until I'd gotten back under control (so I don't count it). 

I'm grateful that my parents know how to calm me down. I'm grateful to have another Aspie at work with me who understands what I'm going through. 

...but I wish I hadn't let people see me in full panic attack mode.