Obsessions: Lists Galore

Obsessions

Lists Galore

It starts out so innocently; last night for instance. I have no intention of doing it. It's as though my hand is being controlled by someone else and I'm helpless to stop it. I compulsively make lists.

Last night at work, our schedule came out, as usual. I decided to write down my schedule on a piece of paper rather than input it directly into my calender on my phone, because management had been cracking down on phone use during our shifts. 

That's where the trouble started... A pad of paper and a pen are all it takes for my obsession to take over. 

(Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that I am trying to lead a healthier life and am becoming more active and eating more nutritious foods)

First, I wrote down my schedule and totaled the hours. 

Then (on a new sheet of paper), I wrote down my nights off and decided what healthy lifestyle activity I could do on each of those days.

*Flip the page* I wrote a list of healthy meals to eat on the days that I did not have the night off.

*Flip the page again* I made a list of all food preparation that I would need to do on my days off (for the days that I work double shifts).

*Flip the page yet again* I made a list of healthy living goals. (This list included stretching for 20-30 minutes daily, swimming 2-3x a week, finding healthy snacking options for stress-eating, and more.)

*(No surprise here) Another new page* I made a list of questions for the psychiatrist (as I am going to see him tomorrow and I've been on the mood stabilizers for about a month and a half now). 

*Proceed to* list of positives and negatives seen since the change in meds.

...And I somehow ended up at a list of ideas for this blog. 

All told, I went home last night with 8 folded up pieces of paper; each one its own list; all of them related somehow in my mind. 

So why do I make lists? I don't fully understand it and I never expect to. What I do know is that lists give me a certain sense of control. I know what I need to do, I've locked myself into doing it by writing it down, and I'll hold myself to completing each list to the best of my abilities. 

I make varying kinds of lists. The lists with little checkboxes are the most enjoyable for me. I love putting a big checkmark next to the things I've accomplished. Obviously, lists like the set I mentioned above are also common. Those lists are my "motivational lists". I also write lists for when I go to see the doctors (both med lists and symptom/question/comment lists), packing lists (I CANNOT go somewhere without my Relay for Life blanket or my Tigger... yes I know I'm an adult, but they're comforts of home and I have slept with my Relay blanket every night since I found out that one of my friends had cancer and have kept sleeping with it even though she's passed.), grocery lists, bill and budgeting lists, and so much more. 

I doubt that any of these lists would matter to anyone but me; I even find it difficult to believe that anyone would find the common thread that led my brain from list to list above, but that's my Aspie brain... As Monk would say, "It's a blessing... and a curse..."