The Amazing Internet

The Amazing Internet

Helping Me Make Friends Since 2006

Like many Aspies, I've always had difficulties with social interactions. I never knew what to say, how to say it, and always felt awkward. I had some friends, but it was hard work. I was constantly thinking about whether what I was going to say was appropriate and whether anyone would care. My mom tried to help, at least at dance, cutting me off whenever she could, but I couldn't take her everywhere.

In 2006, I found a television show that resonated with me. It was called Kyle XY. Although the plot was science fiction and it centered around a boy who was genetically engineered to be a genius, I felt an odd connection to him. Rewatching the pilot episode during one of the recent storms, I discovered why.

Kyle escaped from the lab where he had been kept in a "test tube" for 16 years. He narrated with no prosody in his voice. He didn't understand the world around him the way that others did. He was very similar to an Aspie. 

They say that Aspergers only leads to socialization issues because of the high sensitivity of people on the Autism spectrum. To mute the hypersensitivity, those on the spectrum escape to their own worlds; worlds where they are isolated from others and don't learn the same things as others their age. Kyle was isolated until he was 16. Like an Aspie, he never learned social skills or communication skills. I know that the writers of the show had no intention of making Kyle an Aspie, but his character made me feel less alone and more than likely did the same for others.

I was so enamored by this show that I took to the internet. ABC Family had a message board for the show and I became a frequent poster. During hiatuses, discussions gradually shifted from the show to life, and I felt comfortable being a part of these conversations.

In 2009, our world as we knew it came crashing down. I know it sounds melodramatic but in this particular forum, it was the truth. ABC Family was canceling our show. The series ended with a cliffhanger and those of us who deemed ourselves superfans were devastated.

Discussions on the forum quickly shifted to ways we could try to "save the tub" (yes, here is where you get to see yet another one of my obsessions: the inability to let go of a television show). We sent emails, letters, sour patch kids, scrapbooks, made movies, and more in our attempt to bring back our show. During that time, we grew closer together and began to refer to ourselves as a family. 

As a last ditch attempt to save the show, and of course as entertainment for ourselves, we did weekly viewing parties of the show, discussing each episode on the forum as we all watched together. I would look forward to those nights for an entire week. That day would drag on for hours. Finally it would be time. I'd race through my dinner so I could be in front of my computer (by this time I was in college) and ready to chat. The hour would zip by and a few stragglers would stay on after the episode ended to chat amongst ourselves, but I always felt that I never had enough of the time that I treasured so much. 

Then ABC Family dealt us another blow: they deleted our forum. I found it tonight using the wayback machine. I felt a warmth wash over me as I read our old conversations. Not all of them were able to be recovered, but those that were put a smile on my face and gave me a feeling that I hadn't felt in years. 

After they deleted our forum, several of us attempted to move over to the Secret Life of the American Teenager forum, but we didn't have much luck. Our family was seemingly destroyed. I created a twitter to find some of my forum friends but it just wasn't the same. I found a few of my friends on facebook, but they are the only two people who ever learned of my true identity. 

Feeling lost, I sought friendship elsewhere. I created five or six facebook accounts under different names, where I played games and found myself nestled in a group called DWA (Divas With Attitude). The funny thing was, one of my friends in that group mentioned that she disliked one of my online personas but loved the others. She said it just went to show how truly diverse a single person can be. 

I was very secretive at first. I didn't tell them that all the different accounts were me. In 2010, around the time that our forum was deleted, I felt that it was time to tell the leader of the group. A full year later I finally told everyone else. I was amazed to find that by opening up to them, they in turn opened up to each other and everyone revealed some amazing stories. 

I also sought out friends in a fandom for Ariana Grande. I had been following her career since 13 The Musical and was a huge fan of hers. I had a very popular twitter account that she followed and had made a lot of friends through it as well. Unfortunately, teenage fandoms are full of people seeking attention. Many teens seem to believe that fake suicide attempts or fake terminal illnesses will get them noticed by their favorite celebrity. I became known as the person to go to if someone was threatening suicide. I was often able to "talk them down". I would tell them how precious life is. That I have several chronic illnesses and that even though I suffered from depression and other mental issues (I was still undiagnosed Aspie at the time) and had made threats of suicide myself in the past, when push came to shove and I was in a hospital bed unsure of what was going on, I turned to my mother and told her how much I wanted to live. 

Unfortunately, being the gullible person I am, I was suckered in by some of these pretenders for days or weeks at a time. I would lose sleep, staying up until all hours of the night talking to them. I finally had enough when a friend asked me to call the police for him because his girlfriend was threatening suicide. I made the call but worried for the rest of the night that I had been set up somehow. I didn't sleep at all that night. I logged off my twitter account for a long time after that incident; but not before posting a video on youtube about the need for people to STOP the lies. 

As far as my family's reaction to my online friends, it's never been good. My parents always thought I was spending too much of my time focusing on relationships with people that I'd never meet and I needed to try to make "real friends". What they didn't understand were that these people were the most genuine friends I'd ever had (not those on twitter, but those on the forums and facebook). I could be 100% honest with them. I never had to worry about what they thought of me, because they would never meet me. The anonymity of the internet allowed me to truly be myself. 

These friends were also always there for me. When my dinner plans didn't work out, my DWA family had a virtual dinner for me. The posts were hysterical. When my best friend (a girl who I call my sister) went to Afghanistan, one of the women I initially met on the forums helped me through both of her deployments via facebook messages. When I was sick or undergoing preps for testing (which were unpleasant at best), they would send jokes to make me laugh. They were (and are) all amazing!

So online friendships really work for me. Maybe they're not the best for everyone, but I love everything they've given me. Even the issues on twitter led me to personal growth. I know my family doesn't understand it and I know that I need "real" people in my life too, but it doesn't have to be all one way or the other. It's a mixture of the two that works best for me... and right now, what works best for me is all that matters.