Growing A Little Every Day

Growing A Little Every Day

This entire blog will not be about why I have not written in several days, however I feel it is important for me to explain why I strayed from my routine. As I mentioned in my last blog entry, I got very ill as a result of ignoring symptoms and not visiting a doctor right away. Unfortunately, my body does not like to bounce back from illnesses and I have spent every moment that I'm not working asleep. In addition, I am prone to anxiety and am awaiting further test results, making me hesitant to dig too far into my psyche at the current moment. I've sat down to write several times over the past several days, but nothing has come of it. I've either fallen asleep or became fearful of what my mind may uncover. 

Growth is very important for all people. You don't want to plateau in your life. If you plateau, you're not improving and if you're not improving, you're not doing anything productive with your life. For me, growth is everything. Everything I do, I do so I can grow. I hate change and always will, but the one change I believe is truly good is the change that exists within onesself as they grow into a stronger and better human being. 

On Friday night around 11pm, I received a text message from one of my co-workers and close friends. 

"(Manager) informed me that I will not be leading the (department) team tomorrow when we break off into departments. You and (Co-worker) will."

I reply:

"WHAT?!"

After discussing what I should make sure to discuss during the meeting, I replied again:

"Wishing I had time to mentally prepare myself. This is the kind of thing that at the last minute is not easy for me."

I worried all the rest of the night about the meeting the next morning. I worried about how I would, with no time to prepare, be able to converse with my team without being misunderstood or having difficulties arise. I worried about how I would convey the important information without sounding like a stuffy workaholic who wanted to suck all of the fun out of the room. I worried... and I worried... and I worried.

...and I worried for nothing. The next morning, the meeting came and went. I said my piece and hoped that it sunk in then went about my daily business. No one complained, so I guess it went okay. I really feel that I grew from that experience. There were times in the past when I would have "lost my voice" right before the meeting to avoid the uneasiness that leading a discussion would have led to... BUT THOSE TIMES ARE IN THE PAST! That's GROWTH! 

Another work story: My boss tonight pulled me aside and told me that something would be different about the morning discussions the next time I worked. As many of you who read my blog know, I do not joke. I don't understand how to joke properly and they never come across right... Well, tonight I tried again. "Will the change be that we'll actually have them?" I asked. It took a minute, then one of my friends said, "she's got jokes". I thought it was the best thing ever. It probably was a very lame joke, but it's a start. 

One last work thing... this one is more of a governmental issue in my opinion. I have recently become aware of a law that states that any business with more than 15 employees must provide reasonable accommodations for persons with disabilities (I knew that, as I studied Disabilities in college, but the aftermath shocked me). In exchange for following this law, companies who hire someone with a documented disability are entitled to various tax write-offs or credits. According to the government, these are meant to "cover the cost of accommodations for employees with disabilities". That being said, the next line on the government's own website states "this is an excellent way to expand and enhance your business".

Tonight at work, my co-workers were joking about an employee being "special" because he did something stupid. Someone announced over the walkie talkies that the company got a tax break for having him work there. Immediately my blood ran cold. I thought about the information above and how it had shocked me when I learned of it. I thought about my company using me for a tax write-off. I needed answers. I went to a manager and good friend and he immediately apologized, saying it was a joke and the company didn't receive anything for hiring or employing the disabled but with the knowledge I had, I didn't know if I truly trusted what he said or not. A few months ago, I would have let it fester... Tonight, I pulled aside my general manager and asked him. 

Upon seeing the surprise on his face when I told him about the law, I had proof that he was not cashing in on me. I've never had the guts to ask a potentially accusatory question like that before. I don't know what came over me to allow me to ask the question tonight and I don't know if this newfound confidence will stay, but I know that tonight, I showed growth.