Too...Many...People!

Too... Many... People!

A huge event in my life that I have not written about until now was my brother's wedding, which was held earlier this year. I hadn't written this blog entry yet because I didn't want anyone in my family to get the wrong idea. I love my family more than anything! 

My brother's wedding was very hard for me. As you well know by now, I hate change. My brother had been my best friend for as long as I could remember... but I know what a good marriage consists of. In a good marriage, your mate is also your best friend. I was afraid of being replaced and I was afraid that nothing would ever be the same.

I finally came to terms with the marriage itself. I decided that they were truly soul mates and I had to stop being selfish. I wrote it in the card, but I fully meant it in my impromptu toast at the reception (which I am still shocked that I did). 

The problem I faced at the wedding was that I was incredibly uncomfortable. I was excited to see family... but I had no idea that we would walk into the hotel lobby and be accosted by no less than 30 people (in a very small place), some of whom I hadn't seen in years. Everyone wanted hugs and kisses and there was no room to breathe. I finally got out the words "too... many... people" and made my way outside. 

No one understood what I was going through. My mom finally caught on and allowed me to go up to the hotel room. I'm sure many thought I was being antisocial, but I was just trying to cope. My mom explained to those family members who asked to go visit me what was going on. I don't know if I wanted my extended family to know about my Aspergers or not, but I understand why she told them. I just wish that I hadn't needed "an excuse". I wish I had been able to cope and stay in the room. 

I also suffer from Vasovagal Synchope and hypoglycemia. Right before we started to walk down the aisle, my face went pale, I got nauseous, and I started to shake. My mom slipped an ice pack in my back and the wedding proceeded. Partway through the ceremony, I was so faint I had to sit down. After talking to my doctor about the experience, he said that it could have been the hypoglycemia (as we thought at the time) or it could have been Vasovagal Synchope caused by nerves and being in a tight space with many others during the ceremony. 

 I felt absolutely horrible about the whole situation. I worried everyone, I drew attention from the ceremony, and I missed seeing a huge moment in my brother's life. I'm so upset about what happened and the possibility that it could have been mentally driven, that I haven't even told my mom what the doctor said, although she reads this blog, so I guess I just did. 

At the reception, I was perfectly content taking pictures and watching everyone dance. Unfortunately, no one understood that. People kept trying to make me dance, telling me I was boring, telling me I needed to have some fun... What they didn't understand was I that I was having fun MY OWN WAY! I'm not the person who will get in the middle of the mob on the dance floor, but I am the person who will dance across the (relatively empty) floor whilst singing at the top of my lungs to "Let It Go" (my new anthem) after my mom had the DJ put it on for me. 

Overall, I had a good time at my brother's wedding. I just needed my personal bubble. 

That said, now I have a new obstacle to face. I have received the opportunity of a lifetime. I have been invited (with my dance troupe from back home) to dance at the Orange Bowl during the halftime show. I was incredibly excited about this and quickly began counting the days! 

Then the big shock hit. My mom and I were on the phone and she said that she didn't want me to get upset about what she was going to say, but that I really needed to think about whether or not I could go on the trip. When I asked why, she explained that there would be a mob of people and *SHOCK* she wasn't able to get the time off, so I would be there alone with no one to comfort me if I freaked out (I'm paraphrasing here; my mother never said I would freak out). 

So now I put it to you, my readers. I need advice. How do you deal with large groups of people? What advice can you give me to make it easier for me to go on this amazing trip? Please help!