Reinforcing My Fear and Hatred of Death

Reinforcing My Fear and Hatred of Death

*Please note that I wrote this descriptive piece about my Great Grandmother for a college writing course. That said, all the feelings are 100% real and one of my biggest fears is the fear of death. If I did not love her as much as I do, I never would have done the things that follow.*

               The shock that rippled through my body when we got to the hospital was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. The car ride there had been silent. When my dad and I went into the hospital, the fluorescent lights made my head hurt and I longed for the darkness of night. I recall being shown a small room with four white walls and two small couches with a green background and flowers. The room tried to look cheerful and bright, but it was a holding cell for loved ones. All of a sudden, I saw my mom. Seeing the dried tearstains on her cheeks made me start crying all over again.

               Her comforting arms wrapped me in a big, warm hug.  We didn’t care that our shirts were getting wet from tears, we just hugged each other and did our best to calm down. After a short time, my mom took my hand and led me out into the hallway. I kept hoping that it was all a joke and that when we got to my Great Nana’s room, she’d be sitting up in bed, laughing at me. Before she opened the door, my mom knelt down, stared me in the eye, and asked me one last time if I was sure I wanted to see her. Slowly, feeling like I had no control of my body or mind, I nodded my head and took her hand again.

               Mom knocked on the door and my grandmother opened it slowly. She gave my mother a strange look, almost as though she was not expecting to see me there. As we walked in, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The woman who I thought was indestructible was lying there, still and pale.  She was white as a piece of paper and looked so thin. I hadn’t seen her in weeks. She was my role model and she was just ripped away from me. At 93 years old, a silly car ride had stopped the unstoppable woman. Her heart gave out, and she was gone. Just a few weeks before, she had been walking around and acted as young and as jovial as an 18 year old. Now, she was lying there, cold.

               She had always been cold. Everywhere we went, she brought three sweaters with her. This cold was different. My grandmother took my hand and touched it to her cheek. I recoiled in shock. The warmth had left my great grandmother’s body and all at once it left my heart. I was surrounded by people, but I was alone. 

I Will Always Love You!